1 Topic by Krall

  • Registered: 2002-12-22
  • Posts: 1,624

Topic: Patience Doesn't Pay

Or so it has seemed to me lately.  I've been let down so many times in the past year.   From my good friend's recent suicide, to the lack of prospective job leads, to numerous promises people have made to me and not kept, it seems to me I have been patient with everone I have met, and have yielded no results.  So many people I have trusted have let me down, and so many promises made to me that were not kept. 

It almost seems I would have gotten better results if I were more aggressive, less trusting in people, and less willing to accept "maybe" as an answer.  Female behavior has me so confused, stressed, and angry.  I'm past the point of trying to make sense of my life, I seriously want to tell half of the people I know to go **** themselves.  My family has been good to me, I do have that to be thankful for, as have a few of my friends.  I'm not trying to post an attack on everyone in my life, just a large amount of them.  This just has me so frustrated I had to write it somewhere to get it all out.

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  • Registered: 2002-04-18
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Re: Patience Doesn't Pay

sorry sad
my best advice?
Don't let it turn you cynical, but let it turn you realistic- know what to expect from people.

The girl situation is hard;  if they're not interested, no amount of aggressiveness will help.  The biggest problem with women is the whole dumbass "playing hard to get" routine.  If they're gonna do that, screw em and move on.  (Funny story about that actually, a girl I had been interested in thought she had me eating out of her hand until I met my current girlfriend- suddenly she wants me and goes basically insane trying to get my attention back... too bad she was an idiot and tried to lead me on tongue  too bad for her anyway)

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  • Registered: 2002-06-16
  • Posts: 8,855

Re: Patience Doesn't Pay

LC is right, you know. If you let yourself become cynical as a result, you will turn into me.
I identify with almost everything you wrote in there (except the thing about promises... nobody bothers to actually promise me anything... and no suiciding friends either, as if that matters). The way I chose to deal with it is to cut contact with everyone I knew (except for 2-3 people) and not to allow myself to get emotionally close to anyone else in the world, since humans simply abuse that to hurt me. Pretty lonely existence, but I'm quite happy with the knowledge that I am emotionally protected from the evil human race.
But I assume no sane person would consider it a good solution, so you probably don't want to go that way.
Good thing you write the stuff that frustrate you, keeping it inside just makes it worse for no reason.

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  • Registered: 2004-02-07
  • Posts: 2,769

Re: Patience Doesn't Pay

Deciding that being patient isn't working is the opposite of being patient.

Well knows he who uses to consider, that our faith and knowledge thrives by exercise, as well as our limbs and complexion. Truth is compared in Scripture to a streaming fountain; if her waters flow not in a perpetual progression, they sicken into a muddy pool of conformity and tradition. A man may be a heretic in the truth; and if he believe things only because his pastor says so, or the Assembly so determines, without knowing other reason, though his belief be true, yet the very truth he holds becomes his heresy.
  • Registered: 2002-03-19
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Re: Patience Doesn't Pay

It sounds like you are frusterated with women because you haven't yet discovered how to talk to women.  Not putting you down at all, I was the same way for all too long.

Seriously, a woman who is looking for a man does NOT want a "nice guy" contrary to what they would have you believe.  They want a MAN.  This doesnt = being a jerk necessarily, but it means being confident and whatnot.  Being a good guy is what you want to be.  A good guy I define as somewhat a hybrid of the two.

Also maybe it would be beneficial for you to look at a few things differently.  Before you trust somebody, decide how much of your trust they deserve.  Sometimes people are going to betray your trust no matter what, *especially* when you are growing up and a young adult, because people are still likely to unpredicably and fundamentally change who they are. 

Something that worked for me, but isnt for everyone so I am just throwing it out there in this hodgepodge of advice, is to change your attitude so you hope for the best but prepare for the worst.  For some people this is a terribly pessimistic way to live their life, for people like me, it helps me to not get my hopes up about things that end up hurting me later.

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6 Reply by v3x

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Re: Patience Doesn't Pay

Originally posted by: Killgore9998
Deciding that being patient isn't working is the opposite of being patient.

While that's true in a very limited sense (IE getting fed up with waiting and going for it anyway), it really does not apply against what Krall was writing. Obviously, he was trying the patient route and got fucked. He did not 'give up' on being patient, it just didn't work out. He's reflecting on his decisions, and trying to find out if he did anything wrong, and how to fix that - or rather, what he did that ended up hurting him, not that he actually did anything wrong. And posting something like that is far from helpful, especially due to the fact it's just plain wrong.

Back on topic, I don't really have much advice. Personally, I try to be patient, but I have a very short allowance for people I'd call "friends" screwing around with me. I cut ties fairly quickly in that regard. The result is I have less friends (quite a few less, partially do to not being very sociable), but the friends I do have kick fuckin' ass 24/7. I don't regret not having a bunch of semi-friends bugging me and screwing with me all the time. Just my take on it.

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  • Registered: 2005-06-02
  • Posts: 569

Re: Patience Doesn't Pay

Go out and get in a fight or watch School for Scoundrels. One of them is bound to help you in some way.

Sounds you're a very shy person who reasons their justification for their non-action with low self-esteem. Usually a case for suicide.

Take the pills with milk instead of alchohol so you won't puke it up. Then put a plastic bag over your head so you see cool colors...    I got that from Nip Tuck.


or go join the military, depending on what service you go into, they will turn you into a leader and an alpha male. Especially the Marines.. though marine life sucks.

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  • Registered: 2004-02-07
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Re: Patience Doesn't Pay

Originally posted by: v3x

Originally posted by: Killgore9998
Deciding that being patient isn't working is the opposite of being patient.

While that's true in a very limited sense (IE getting fed up with waiting and going for it anyway), it really does not apply against what Krall was writing. Obviously, he was trying the patient route and got fucked. He did not 'give up' on being patient, it just didn't work out. He's reflecting on his decisions, and trying to find out if he did anything wrong, and how to fix that - or rather, what he did that ended up hurting him, not that he actually did anything wrong. And posting something like that is far from helpful, especially due to the fact it's just plain wrong.


What the hell are you talking about. He's saying that being patient isn't working out for him, and he wants to give up and try something else. Whether you get fucked trying the patient route or not, whether it works out for you or not, it doesn't matter. Being patient is being patient, regardless of what benefits you get or how badly you get fucked. I am of the belief that being patient is the best thing you can do. Giving in to fear that maybe nothing will happen is the real mistake, and for you to somehow see some kind of difference between deciding that patience "isn't working out" and giving up being patient is retarded. What I posted is perfectly helpful, and its not "just plain wrong", but thanks for playing. Maybe next time you'll think a little bit before throwing around meaningless statements that are the opposite of true.

Well knows he who uses to consider, that our faith and knowledge thrives by exercise, as well as our limbs and complexion. Truth is compared in Scripture to a streaming fountain; if her waters flow not in a perpetual progression, they sicken into a muddy pool of conformity and tradition. A man may be a heretic in the truth; and if he believe things only because his pastor says so, or the Assembly so determines, without knowing other reason, though his belief be true, yet the very truth he holds becomes his heresy.

9 Reply by darin

  • Registered: 2002-03-22
  • Posts: 4,666

Re: Patience Doesn't Pay

Don't you think there is a line you can draw, Killgore?  Like being patient for something that you KNOW isn't going to happen?  I'm sure you can think of plenty of hypotheticals in which that is the case.  Anyway, being patient at that point is just being ignorant.  Not sure if that's where Krall is or not, but I can see v3x's point.

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10 Reply by Marcin

  • Registered: 2002-09-10
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Re: Patience Doesn't Pay

I think what Krall is faced with is the trough when riding the great roller-coaster of life, you hit the bottom of the wave, but it is a wave and will evertually head back up even if it goes down even further, I wouldn't dwell on the bad things and focus on the good things, and think of what you yourself can do to get on top again, don't wait around, take action.  Learn from mistakes.  Soon you will be riding the crest again, everything always works out, always. Don't ever worry.

As for women troubles, a wise-man once quoted "bitches be runnin wild".

Common sense is what tells you the world is flat.

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11 Reply by Salle

  • Registered: 2002-06-14
  • Posts: 6,298

Re: Patience Doesn't Pay

Sometimes life sucks. Try not to get cynical - as people already have said.

I, unfortunately, grew cynical - but I am still patient. And every once in a while a human being surprises me and restores a tiny ounch of my faith in humanity - for a while.

I function.

12 Reply by v3x

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Re: Patience Doesn't Pay

Originally posted by: Killgore9998
What the hell are you talking about. He's saying that being patient isn't working out for him, and he wants to give up and try something else. Whether you get fucked trying the patient route or not, whether it works out for you or not, it doesn't matter. Being patient is being patient, regardless of what benefits you get or how badly you get fucked. I am of the belief that being patient is the best thing you can do. Giving in to fear that maybe nothing will happen is the real mistake, and for you to somehow see some kind of difference between deciding that patience "isn't working out" and giving up being patient is retarded. What I posted is perfectly helpful, and its not "just plain wrong", but thanks for playing. Maybe next time you'll think a little bit before throwing around meaningless statements that are the opposite of true.

There's a difference between patience, the virtue, and sitting on your ass waiting for something to be handed to you on a silver platter. There is nothing wrong with being decisive and acting towards your own goals. Different situations call for different actions. Patience is very good sometimes, and other times it leaves you out to dry. Learning the judge situations helps, but that isn't always possible. I never suggested you should 'give up being patient', but you need to decide when being patient is the prudent action. Wow, and that last bit is just a wonderful bit of arguing. "Thanks for playing", brilliant. Also, meaningless? Yeah, I was being sophistic and babbling endlessly, not just disagreeing with you. Honestly, you're the one who threw out the one-line "this is how it is" statement, which is just _false_. You can decide that patience isn't going to pay off in a specific situation, and do something else! If you want me to explain, in detail, why your statement is not true: Being impatient is acting before it is prudent(or, to put it in the definitions phrasing- acting due to restlessness, as opposed to good reason). You can decide 'patience is not working out', and act, and have that be in your best interest, without it being due to 'restlessness'.

The bolded part above, for use in the greater purpose of the thread, is pretty much just experience, I think. Situations are complex, and you'll never really be able to explain the entire situation to people unfamiliar with it (internet peoples), so you really just have to learn to judge yourself. Patience is not a one-size-fits-all answer. Neither is being aggressive.

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  • Registered: 2004-02-07
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Re: Patience Doesn't Pay

Originally posted by: darin
Don't you think there is a line you can draw, Killgore?  Like being patient for something that you KNOW isn't going to happen?  I'm sure you can think of plenty of hypotheticals in which that is the case.  Anyway, being patient at that point is just being ignorant.  Not sure if that's where Krall is or not, but I can see v3x's point.

There absolutely is a line that you can draw, in many situations. Waiting for a train, for example, or waiting for Starcraft Ghost to be released. For day-to-day things, one is often forced to admit that something just isn't going to happen.

But with women and relationships? Krall is a young guy. We are all young at some point and a lot of people here still are. Heck, I still am, relative to some other people. Part of youth and the years after adolescence is learning what kind of person you really are, and that's not an easy thing to do. A lot of people never manage to find their own identity, they're left manufacturing artificial ones until the day they die. And as long as a person is doing that, they'll never be able to find love or at least a satisfying relationship. The same goes for looking for jobs.

The fact is that it's way too early for him to give up on being patient. Krall, you haven't been waiting all that long. How long do you think it takes to find happiness? A year? 5 years? Some people never find it, and it's not for a lack of trying. Giving up on patience and faith that you are in for good things some day is giving up on the only thing that you really have. What happens when you decide "screw patience, I'm going to rely on getting drunk to get me girls" and then that fails to yield results? Then you're at rock bottom.

There are so many things that we as human beings have control over.. so many more things that our parents did, and their parents did. Technology allows us to satisfy our desires more cheaply and faster than ever before. Maybe that's the reason, maybe not, that people seem to be more and more frustrated by love and relationships. The divorce rate is through the roof. And why? Because people expect instant gratification, and they don't understand why they should have to put up with temporary disappointment. Patience, and the hope that things are going to get better, are the last things in Pandora's box, the saving grace of humanity. Giving up on it is basically condemning yourself to never getting the good things that you would have gotten if you had remained patient.

Sorry if I started to sound poetic or preachy or something, but I honestly believe this. If Krall starts to think that the reason why he hasn't found the love of his life is because he hasn't worked hard enough on perfecting his "zomg kool dewd" image enough then he's taking a step backwards.

Well knows he who uses to consider, that our faith and knowledge thrives by exercise, as well as our limbs and complexion. Truth is compared in Scripture to a streaming fountain; if her waters flow not in a perpetual progression, they sicken into a muddy pool of conformity and tradition. A man may be a heretic in the truth; and if he believe things only because his pastor says so, or the Assembly so determines, without knowing other reason, though his belief be true, yet the very truth he holds becomes his heresy.
  • Registered: 2004-02-07
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Re: Patience Doesn't Pay

Originally posted by: v3x
There's a difference between patience, the virtue, and sitting on your ass waiting for something to be handed to you on a silver platter. There is nothing wrong with being decisive and acting towards your own goals.

There's also a difference between patience, the virtue, and deciding that a year of patience is more than enough before you have to start inventing excuses for why you haven't gotten what you want yet. I very much agree that different situations call for different actions, but lifelong happiness and love are not the sort of things that you can purchase or expect to come along at exactly half past your 20th birthday. This isn't like being patient waiting for a store to open, this isn't like taking initiative and moving to another state because you're tired of waiting for your old neighborhood to get better, this is being patient with your life. You can never give up on that, or else you risk never finding what you're looking for. Taking initiative and making random decisions that you think are going to help is NOT the right thing to do in this situation.


The title of this thread "Patience Doesn't Pay" is not only incredibly inaccurate but extremely frightening to think that someone's actually suffering from that kind of delusion.

Well knows he who uses to consider, that our faith and knowledge thrives by exercise, as well as our limbs and complexion. Truth is compared in Scripture to a streaming fountain; if her waters flow not in a perpetual progression, they sicken into a muddy pool of conformity and tradition. A man may be a heretic in the truth; and if he believe things only because his pastor says so, or the Assembly so determines, without knowing other reason, though his belief be true, yet the very truth he holds becomes his heresy.
  • Registered: 2002-03-25
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Re: Patience Doesn't Pay

Originally posted by: Killgore9998

The title of this thread "Patience Doesn't Pay" is not only incredibly inaccurate but extremely frightening to think that someone's actually suffering from that kind of delusion.

Delusion? Human technological advancement is based on that "delusion."

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  • Registered: 2004-02-07
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Re: Patience Doesn't Pay

Originally posted by: Elfhelm

Originally posted by: Killgore9998

The title of this thread "Patience Doesn't Pay" is not only incredibly inaccurate but extremely frightening to think that someone's actually suffering from that kind of delusion.

Delusion? Human technological advancement is based on that "delusion."

Hoping to get to the moon as a human race by being patient, and hoping to find love as an individual person by being patient is exactly the kind of distinction that I'm talking about. Do you honestly believe that patience doesn't pay? Isn't that a pretty basic, obviously true principle to try to shoot down just because someone's having a bad day?

Its a delusion when you believe that patience doesn't pay when applied to your personal happiness. Its a fact when you believe that patience doesn't pay when applied to the advancement of the human race.

Well knows he who uses to consider, that our faith and knowledge thrives by exercise, as well as our limbs and complexion. Truth is compared in Scripture to a streaming fountain; if her waters flow not in a perpetual progression, they sicken into a muddy pool of conformity and tradition. A man may be a heretic in the truth; and if he believe things only because his pastor says so, or the Assembly so determines, without knowing other reason, though his belief be true, yet the very truth he holds becomes his heresy.

17 Reply by v3x

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Re: Patience Doesn't Pay

Um? If you arn't aggressive at all in a relationship, especially as a male in our society (though this much less true now than it used to be, it can still apply), isn't exactly a recipe for success. Sure, you should wait to meet the right women, and be patient in that regard - but you have to be aggressive in order to get to know women, especially in a romantic sense. Gotta swing the bat if you're gonna hit a home run, not just sit there and say "I'm gonna wait for the perfect pitch"

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  • Registered: 2004-02-07
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Re: Patience Doesn't Pay

Originally posted by: v3x
Um? If you arn't aggressive at all in a relationship, especially as a male in our society (though this much less true now than it used to be, it can still apply), isn't exactly a recipe for success. Sure, you should wait to meet the right women, and be patient in that regard - but you have to be aggressive in order to get to know women, especially in a romantic sense. Gotta swing the bat if you're gonna hit a home run, not just sit there and say "I'm gonna wait for the perfect pitch"


Thats a fine philosophy to have if you don't trust yourself to know when to swing the bat. Part of this whole process is a certain level of trust that one must have in himself, and confidence. I disagree with you that aggressiveness leads to rewarding relationships with women. However, when that perfect pitch does come, and for many people it does, you have to have enough confidence in yourself to recognize it as such and swing. No one's talking about waiting for waiting's sake. I'm talking about waiting for a good pitch rather than walking away from the plate and paying for a hooker.

Well knows he who uses to consider, that our faith and knowledge thrives by exercise, as well as our limbs and complexion. Truth is compared in Scripture to a streaming fountain; if her waters flow not in a perpetual progression, they sicken into a muddy pool of conformity and tradition. A man may be a heretic in the truth; and if he believe things only because his pastor says so, or the Assembly so determines, without knowing other reason, though his belief be true, yet the very truth he holds becomes his heresy.