1 Topic by Krall

  • Registered: 2002-12-22
  • Posts: 1,651

Topic: Losing a friend- to suicide

Unfortunately it happened to me this past week.  A very close friend of mine took her own life, yes, the same one I talked about in past threads in this forum.

I've been restless and have had no appetite.  I was not even invited to the funeral, which hurt more considering she had other friends who were, and yet she considered me her BEST friend.  I don't know if I'm being petty here or not, and I am more regretful of losing her in the first place.  I don't know what to think. 

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2 Reply by Salle

  • Registered: 2002-06-14
  • Posts: 6,344

Re: Losing a friend- to suicide

The funeral is to honor those left behind IMO. And you know the truth so you shouldn't need to have it re-confirmed. But yeah, it would've been nice to be invited.
I imagine both parents automatically thought you as a "default" guest and then forgot you.

Just come to the funeral regardless?

  • Registered: 2007-02-25
  • Posts: 1,184

Re: Losing a friend- to suicide

Originally posted by: Salle
The funeral is to honor those left behind IMO. And you know the truth so you shouldn't need to have it re-confirmed. But yeah, it would've been nice to be invited.
I imagine both parents automatically thought you as a "default" guest and then forgot you.

Just come to the funeral regardless?

That's what I did when one of my close friends died in a car crash. Her parents didn't know me very well despite our close relationship, partly due to us no longer going to the same high school when it happened. Unless you have done something to wrong them, I can assure you that no one will turn you away. See your friend, pay your respects.

4 Reply by Krall

  • Registered: 2002-12-22
  • Posts: 1,651

Re: Losing a friend- to suicide

I wasn't told where or when the funeral was.  I was told what city it was in after the funeral was over.  She and I had no mutual friends, btw.   

Also, I was informed of her death via email from a person I had never heard of before who claimed to be a friend of my friend.  I don't know either of her parents personally.  I was simply told not to go to her house, and not to call her cell phone, only text and email, which I did.  Her friends texted and emailed me back. 

If this isn't enough to make you scratch your head, get this:  I was told her myspace profile would be deleted.  It wasn't, it was simply set to private and I was dropped as a friend.   Okay.  But her some of her other friends still have her on their friends list.   These friends include very close friends of her like me, and some people that I know for a fact that she was not very close to.   

Should I be bothered by this?

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5 Reply by Salle

  • Registered: 2002-06-14
  • Posts: 6,344

Re: Losing a friend- to suicide

Nah, some smart dude tried to "filter" the real friends from random acquiantences and he didnt know about you.

On a second thought - yeah you should be bothered by this; prove them wrong. Find out where this funeral is at and make an appearance and perhaps a little speech to honor your friend and let everybody else know of your friendship.

6 Reply by Krall

  • Registered: 2002-12-22
  • Posts: 1,651

Re: Losing a friend- to suicide

I really would like to, but apparantly it was over.  Again, I was not told where the funeral was held. 

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  • Registered: 2002-03-19
  • Posts: 10,008

Re: Losing a friend- to suicide

Sounds like a shitty situation, but if the funeral is already said and done maybe you should just do yourself a favor and decide it isn't worth worrying about for at least a little while.  You already have your grief, and worrying about this isn't going to make things any better.

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  • Registered: 2004-02-07
  • Posts: 2,813

Re: Losing a friend- to suicide

You can feel bothered, or even believe that there is some unfair reason why they don't want you around, but there isn't anything you can do about it now. The last thing they need is for someone to remind them about their daughter's death and try to get them to forgive this person they don't even know. You know the truth - that should be enough especially since you don't have any mutual acquaintances. It sucks, but I think you should let it rest.

Well knows he who uses to consider, that our faith and knowledge thrives by exercise, as well as our limbs and complexion. Truth is compared in Scripture to a streaming fountain; if her waters flow not in a perpetual progression, they sicken into a muddy pool of conformity and tradition. A man may be a heretic in the truth; and if he believe things only because his pastor says so, or the Assembly so determines, without knowing other reason, though his belief be true, yet the very truth he holds becomes his heresy.
  • Registered: 2002-06-11
  • Posts: 5,399

Re: Losing a friend- to suicide

That's horrible, my thoughts are with you.